arianne_maya: (brian tommy backstage)
arianne_maya ([personal profile] arianne_maya) wrote in [community profile] glam_100 on August 5th, 2013 at 11:09 pm
Prompt #094: Fire
Title: Burning From the Inside Out
Pairing/Characters: Brian/Tommy, Adam
Rating (Word Count): PG-13 (19 X 100)
Warning(s): None
Author's notes: Many thanks to @aislinntlc for the beta.

This continues from Trouble. You can also read the whole thing on AO3.

On the night after the Orlando show, Brian keeps his promise. By the time he relents, Tommy’s a crying, begging mess. His cock hurts from too many orgasms and too much stimulation. His whole body feels on fire, like little flames are traveling through his veins along with his blood.

The almost brutal way Brian fucks him afterward has him screaming Brian’s name as his last orgasm is torn out of him in a full body shudder, leaving him limp as a ragdoll on the bed. He’s so far gone that he barely hears Brian’s words of love and praise.

***

It takes two or three days before Tommy realizes that whatever crawled up his ass still hasn’t left him in peace. That night gave him a little respite, but that’s it. The itch under his skin is still there, present and annoying.

However, he doesn’t say a thing about it and he’s a lot more careful of the way he acts. The last thing he wants is to have to talk about something that he can’t even explain. He pays attention and makes sure he doesn’t step a toe out of line.

That, in and of itself, should be suspicious.

***

For some reason, Brian lets him get away with it. Tommy has no fucking idea why, but he sure as hell isn’t going to ask. Not when he knows that asking would lead to a conversation he really isn’t ready to have.

The good thing is that if people around him are surprised at how nice and unlike himself he’s acting, not one of them dares to call him on it the way they would if he was behaving like he did in Orlando.

Well, no one except for Adam “I don’t know how to mind my own businesses” Lambert.

***

They’re in San Diego, about to go on stage for the sound check when Adam asks, “Are you okay, Tommy?”

“Sure, I’m good.” Tommy’s reply comes out a little too fast, and Adam’s eyebrows go up nearly to his hair before his eyes zero in on Tommy.

Fuck. Now Tommy will be lucky if he can escape without going through exactly the talk he was trying to avoid.

After the sound check, he tries as hard as he can to get away before Adam corners him, but of course, it doesn’t work. Tommy’s left with no choice but to listen.

***

“What’s wrong?”

Tommy considers all kinds of evasive answers, rejecting them one after the other. Adam knows him so well that trying to convince him nothing’s wrong is a waste of time.

“Nothing that you can help with.”

Adam frowns and sits on the drums platform. Once upon a time, Tommy would have sat beside him and curled into Adam’s side, breathing and just being until he finally found the strength to put what’s hurting him into words.

Today, though, he sticks his hands in his pockets to resist the impulse. He shouldn’t still want this from Adam. Not anymore.

***

“Are you sure of that?”

It’s far too tempting to give in and try to explain. To put things into words until the mess in his mind makes sense.

But he’s aware it isn’t Adam he needs to be talking to.

“It’s better if you don’t try to help.”

Tommy knows the exact moment when Adam gets it. His frown disappears and his expression softens as he lets out a very soft, “Oh.”

Seconds tick into silence. Tommy wants to turn away and forget that Adam even said anything, but he can’t. Not with the way Adam’s looking at him.

***

“You can still talk to me.”

Tommy sees the suspicion hidden behind Adam’s words, feels Adam’s hackles rising. He sighs when he realizes that he can’t avoid this conversation anymore. If he tries, it will make Adam believe that the situation is a lot worse than it actually is.

“Yeah, I could. We’re still friends.” There’s just enough conviction in Tommy’s voice to make the tension seep out of Adam’s shoulders as he answers Adam’s unspoken question. Adam believing that their friendship will disappear now that Tommy doesn’t need him as he once did is the last thing he wants.

***

Or at least, he shouldn’t. He has no idea where the urge to ask for the comfort Adam is always willing to offer is coming from, but he hates it. He knows exactly what he would be asking for. And it would make everything he wants, everything he’s been building with Brian tumble down.

So he stays right where he is, crosses his arms, and waits.

“What’s going on?”

Tommy shrugs. “Hell if I know.”

With anybody else, that kind of answer would cut things short. Not with Adam.

“It’s you or him?”

He bites his lip. “Me, I think.”

***

He’s expecting another question, something, anything, but all he gets is silence. Adam’s obviously waiting for him to get his shit together. He sighs.

“It’s like there’s something missing, but I have no idea what, or why.”

“Is that why you look like you want to run away from me?”

Tommy goes rigid, fingernails biting into the skin of his arm. He looks down at the floor. “If this was happening like, three years ago? I would have already crawled into your lap by now.”

He hates that the temptation to do exactly that is still present in his mind.

***

He’s feeling needy and clingy. And guilty on top of everything because it isn’t Adam he should want this from.

When he finds the courage to raise his head again, he sees Adam move as if he wants to touch him, then pull back at the last second.

Tommy takes a step back. Three years ago, Adam would have tucked him against his side. Now, they’re both caught in this situation where they have no idea how to act.

Adam rakes a hand through his hair. “You two really need to talk.”

“There’s already too much fucking talking going on.”

***

The bitterness that Tommy can’t quite hide finds its way into his words.

Adam stares at him for a long time before he says, “If you’re trying to build the thing I think you are, talking is a necessity, not an option. It’s obvious that there’s something messing with your head and if you’re talking, well, I have a feeling it’s not about the right things.”

He hates that Adam’s right. Instead of telling him that, though, he can’t help but say, “You and I never needed that much talking.”

Adam recoils as if Tommy slapped him in the face.

***

The silence lasts long enough that Tommy considers apologizing.

Before he can, though, Adam says, almost choking on the words, “I’m not proud of that.”

It makes Tommy feel even worse as he realizes that, without meaning to, he hit on a very sore point. He looks down at the ground again.

“If I’d done things correctly, we would have.” Adam’s voice is so low that Tommy has to strain to hear him.

Even though he knows he might not like the answer, he asks, “Why didn’t we?”

“I’m not proud of it, but… because there was Liz, and Sauli.”

***

Tommy stares at Adam accusingly, feeling betrayed in the worst way. “Don’t do this, Adam. Don’t do this to us now.”

“You’re the one who asked.” Adam looks down at his hands. “It was three years ago, Tommy. It doesn’t mean a thing to what’s going on now. You’re one of my best friends. I don’t wish for more. I know you don’t really want it, either.”

Adam’s right. Tommy can’t deny it. What he wants, what he needs is something he can’t put into words because everything in his head feels messy and wrong and completely out of place.

***

And, because Adam was always there and willing and never asking him any questions, it’s tempting to try and get that back. Even though Tommy’s aware that the only reason why it seems like it would be easy and uncomplicated is because he’s forgotten all the messy parts. Three years ago, he and Adam were acting mostly out of instinct, but it doesn’t mean things were perfect. Far from it, actually, Tommy has to admit if he’s honest with himself.

“If you forget the would have, could have… you know I’m right. We never really needed to talk that much.”

***

Adam’s smile doesn’t quite make it to his eyes. “Because we started this while we were living on top of each other, in a tin can of a bus. Because you were drowning in your grief and my only focus was how the fuck I was going to keep you on your feet. Because by the time anything happened, I’d had months to learn to call you out on your bullshit when necessary.”

Tommy tries to say something, but Adam shakes his head.

“The situation is completely different, Tommy. Trying to compare isn’t fair to any of us, including you.”

***

“But saying things out loud will make them real.” The sentence escapes before Tommy can stop it. He bites his lip and tries his hardest to keep everything else inside. He’s already embarrassed enough as it is.

Adam blinks at him in surprise. “You don’t want it to be real?”

Tommy can’t say anything. That is so not what he meant. Thing is, the sex is awesome – like, Tommy seriously wonders why the fuck he never tried some of it before – and the rules, the routine, the expectations are a lot easier to get used to than he was expecting.

***

They make him feel safe and grounded in a way he had no idea was possible.

But he can’t bring himself to bare his heart, to share his fears and his vulnerabilities.

When he finally speaks, it’s barely above a whisper. “Of course I want it to be real.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

For a second Tommy wishes Adam would let it go. He knows he only has to ask. But maybe he needs to say it aloud.

“It feels like I’m about to fall and there’s no one to catch me.”

Adam stares at him then shakes his head.

***

“You know it’s not me you should be saying this to.”

Tommy shrugs. “You’re the one who asked.”

“Don’t do this, Tommy.” Adam sighs. “You and I have known each other for a couple of years. That’s why I understand you so well. But he can’t get there unless you let him.”

Adam’s right, even though Tommy wants to deny it. “So what the fuck do I do now?”

“You talk to him, for real this time.”

Tommy hates that Adam always figures him out so easily, but it’s the truth. He’s been making excuses, finding ways to avoid talking.

***

There are things he still doesn’t want to look at too closely, but he has a feeling he won’t have a choice. Not if he wants to stop feeling like the fire between him and Brian will consume him until there’s nothing left.

At least, he’s pretty sure this isn’t entirely his fault. While it’s true that he’s been carefully avoiding some things, it’s also true that Brian’s been letting him. Tommy has a feeling they both have a lot to own up to.

“I’ll talk to him.”

Adam beams and Tommy sighs. If only relationships weren’t always that complicated.
 
( Read comments )
Post a comment in response:
From:
Anonymous
OpenID
Identity URL: 
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.