08 June 2013 @ 12:20 pm
Prompt #053: Change  
Title: Negotiations
Pairing/Characters: Brian/Tommy
Rating (Word Count): PG-13 (19 X 100)
Content(s)/Warning(s): D/s, kink negotiation
Author's notes: Many thanks to @aislinntlc for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

This continues from last week drabble-set, Choosing His Path.

The next morning over breakfast, Tommy and Brian start talking. Tommy quickly understands why it’s called negotiating: it’s a complicated game of give and take and trying to figure out the point where they’ll both be comfortable.

They agree to take things slowly, if only because they will both need time to adapt, and Adam will also need to back off – even though Brian doesn’t say it like that, Tommy knows he’ll need to have a serious conversation with Adam soon.

Thing is, even if they’re not in a hurry, this kind of relationship still means establishing rules and boundaries.

***

Tommy’s aware that it will probably be harder than it was with Adam. It’s not a question of trust. It’s the simple fact that what he had with Adam started back when they were living in each other’s pockets, at a time when Tommy desperately needed someone to keep him on his feet. It was easy to let Adam take over and follow his lead.

And it was never like this, with clearly defined rules and consequences. It was just this thing between them that made everything so much easier, with Adam looking after Tommy and taking care of him.

***

But it never felt like a conscious choice to obey Adam’s rules, even though Tommy now understands that it’s what he was doing.

This is both easier, because he knows exactly what’s expected of him, and harder, because he has to make the effort to obey the rules even when he and Brian aren’t together.

It’s all very simple things, like eating some substantial breakfast before he gets his second coffee or trying to get a decent amount of sleep. It’s close enough to what Tommy remembers it being with Adam for it to feel familiar and safe and grounding.

***

They extend the negotiating to the next couple of days. The face Tommy makes when he realizes how very far they are from being done talking shocks a laugh out of Brian.

“You better get used to the talking, Tommy Joe,” he says as he pulls Tommy close. “Just because we decide things now doesn’t mean they’re set in stone.”

Still, more talking means more conversations that leave Tommy blushing to the root of his hair or with a hard dick that he isn’t allowed to take care of because he gave that up pretty early on in their conversation.

***

Tommy blames it a little on the way Brian says it, once they’re sitting on the couch with Tommy half in Brian’s lap.

“No coming unless we’re together.”

The idea make Tommy’s mouth go dry and he asks, “Where the fuck did that come from?”

Brian chuckles, his breath caressing Tommy’s ear. “It comes from, you belong to me, and so does your body. That means I get to decide how, when, and where.”

Tommy’s blood rushes south but he still has enough brain cells to think. “Does that apply to jerking off too?”

“Yes, it applies to masturbation. Why?”

***

Tommy looks at Brian over his shoulder. “Didn’t you say that rules need to be consistent and shit?”

“I did. Your point is…?” Brian looks completely lost.

“That I’m not going without every fucking time you’re out of town. It happens way too often.”

Brian presses his lips together.

Tommy wonders if they’re about to hit the first bump in the road before he understands. “Are you laughing at me?”

“A little,” Brian admits. “I should have known this is what you’d choose to argue over.”

Tommy smiles. The idea of giving up that kind of control is fucking tempting.

***

It reminds him of the night when Brian caught him wanking and he had to wait for Brian’s permission to come. Just the idea is enough to make his cock fill.

“What if…” Tommy swallows hard, wishes he would stop blushing – he’s pretty sure he hasn’t blushed this much since he was a virgin, and that was many years ago. “What if I ask? Like, I don’t get to come unless we’re together, or unless I call you and ask for permission. Would that work?”

Brian’s smile is far too pleased, but Tommy can’t find it in himself to mind.

***

“Of course, baby. That works.”

So it does. Though if Tommy had any idea how much these very frank, blush worthy conversations were going to turn him on, he might not have been that eager to give up control over his dick.

Together, they agree on how far Brian’s reach is going to go – pretty fucking far, enough that Tommy’s surprised by how okay he is with the idea.

It doesn’t make him want to take a step back, though, in part because he’s aware that it might change when it actually happens. Another reason why they’re taking things slow.

***

That, and the fact that Brian’s made it clear that some things won’t happen until Tommy’s ready for them. Tommy’s grateful for it, he really is, so he tries not to let it show that he isn’t completely good with that.

It probably isn’t a success, because it takes mere seconds for Brian to ask, “Why do you look like that?”

Tommy shrugs. “Like what?”

“Like you disagree with something but don’t wanna say it.”

Sighing, Tommy does his best to try and figure out how to explain. In moments like this, he hates how easily Brian can read him.

***

Trying to buy himself some time, Tommy grabs a bottle of water from the fridge – no beer in the middle of the day when it’s that hot outside, see, he’s being good – and picks at the label on the bottle when he sits on the couch again.

“Tommy Joe.” The warning is clear in Brian’s voice. “Stop stalling.”

“It’s not such a big deal,” Tommy says, hoping that Brian will let it drop.

Of course, Brian doesn’t. “Maybe, but if it’s making you that antsy, it’s definitely something we need to talk about.”

Stubbornly, Tommy looks down at the floor.

***

Before Brian can ask again, though, Tommy finally finds the courage to say, “I understand why you say it has to come from me, but there are things that I don’t think I can do on my own, no matter how much I want, or need, them.”

“Look at me.”

Slowly, Tommy raises his head.

“It has to come from you,” Brian says. “I want to know that when you go to your knees for me, it’s because you need it. And I want you to know that, too.”

It would be easy to accept the explanation as it is.

***

But Tommy has a feeling there’s more to it. He moves toward the spot he was previously occupying between Brian’s legs until Brian pulls him closer. “Why is it that important to you?”

Tommy feels Brian’s soft sigh on his hair. “Let’s just say I’ve had partners who did the whole trying to change to please me even though they weren’t into any of it. It never ended well. I need to be sure you’re not doing this for me.”

“I told you—”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, but I don’t want to have any doubts left.”

***

Tommy understands it so much better now, but it doesn’t change a thing about the way it feels to him. “There has to be a way so it won’t rest all on you or on me, right?”

With gentle fingers on Tommy’s chin, Brian makes Tommy turn his head and look at him. “What do you mean?”

“I get that many things have to come from me, but as I said, there are steps I don’t think I can take on my own. Some of them could be your call. It would be easier on me, that’s all I’m saying.”

***

Brian stays silent long enough that Tommy’s expecting him to refuse. Instead, he says, “If we do that, we’d have to be very clear on what’s your decision and what’s mine.”

“I know.” Tommy shrugs.

It’s isn’t easy, but in the end, they agree that while some things, like Tommy going to his knees, have to come from him, for some others, like Brian feeding him or shaving him, it will be up to Brian as to when they happen for the first time.

Knowing that he won’t have to ask for those things makes Tommy breathe a little easier.

***

He has no problem talking things out, even if it still makes him blush in a ridiculous way. And he understands that he has to get used to the talking – even though it still feels a little like too much fucking talking and not enough doing – and to asking for what he wants, what he needs.

But he can’t help but feel like there are things he shouldn’t have to ask for. That as long as they’ve agreed it will happen, the when shouldn’t always be up to him.

That, maybe, he needs it not to be up to him.

***

They talk about safewords, too, and that makes Tommy a little nervous, enough that Brian feels the need to remind him, “Not everything needs to change all at once, you know that, right? We can take our time.”

Tommy knows it. He’s aware that Brian’s been easing him into things, so slowly that he barely notices the changes until they’ve firmly taken shape. He doesn’t mind, he’s even glad to have the time to adjust, but it also feels like there’s something missing, even though Tommy couldn’t say exactly what.

He figures it out at the end of an evening.

***

It’s after a hot shower – when they have to clean up a second time because Brian crowded Tommy against the wall, slowly jacking him off while whispering in his ear everything he wants to do to him – that Tommy finally understands.

“You’ve been holding back.” He doesn’t mean for it to sound like an accusation but it does, enough to make him cringe.

Brian’s hands stop on Tommy’s back, holding the towel he was drying Tommy with. “So what if I have?”

Tommy takes a step, putting a little distance between them. He can still see Brian in the mirror.

***

“You don’t have to treat me like a fucking porcelain doll, I’m not gonna break.”

Within seconds, Tommy’s caught between the bathroom counter and Brian’s body. Brian fits his hand to Tommy’s throat, forcing him to pay attention.

“If I have my way,” Brian murmurs, dark and seductive, “you will. So we’re taking things slow.”

Tommy melts in Brian’s arms, lets Brian take his weight.

“See this?” Brian angles Tommy’s head so he can do nothing but look at their reflection in the mirror. “This is the surrender I want. The moment when I’ll know you’re mine, body and soul.”

***

“I’m good with waiting for you to get there.”

Tommy swallows hard against the dryness of his throat. If only to himself, he’s willing to admit that he doesn’t understand. Not yet. Not completely.

“You’re gonna have to show me.” Tommy never meant to say that aloud, but now that the words hang heavy in the air between them, no way is he taking them back.

Brian’s slow smile is predatory enough to send shivers down Tommy’s back.

There’s a not quite bite on his neck, the barely there, unmistakable feeling of teeth.

“I will. When you’re ready, I will.”
 
 
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wynkat: Tommy and Brian[personal profile] wynkat on June 8th, 2013 06:23 pm (UTC)
mmm nice! complicated and mess just like it is.
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arianne_maya[personal profile] arianne_maya on June 9th, 2013 02:09 pm (UTC)
Yes, that kind of conversation is never simple. Thanks!
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thraceadams: Adam Brian/Tommy B&W[personal profile] thraceadams on June 9th, 2013 06:17 am (UTC)
UNF how much do I love a good negotiation and talking scene. this was lovely and complicated and so many issues and trust and Tommy and I just loved it :D *happy sigh*
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arianne_maya[personal profile] arianne_maya on June 9th, 2013 02:11 pm (UTC)
Aww thank you so much! I'm really happy you enjoyed it that much :D
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