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glam_1002013-09-05 01:33 pm
arianne_maya) wrote in glam_1002013-09-05 01:33 pm
Prompt #098: Lay Me Down
Title: Giving in to Trust
Pairing/Characters: Brian/Tommy
Rating (Word Count): R (22 X 100)
Content(s)/Warning(s): D/s
Author's notes: Many thanks to @leela_cat for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
This continues from Finding His Ground. You can also read the whole thing on AO3.
Brian feeding Tommy his breakfast quickly becomes a pattern. It isn’t always a possibility, but whenever they have the time and it’s just the two of them, it’s the perfect way to start the day. It also does wonders for Tommy’s mood, leaving him steady on his feet instead of feeling like a zombie every single time he has to be up before midday.
Tommy knows that this moment, before the day really starts, is the best time for any kind of talk. It can be as simple as figuring out what’s next for the song they’re currently working on.
***
Or as complicated as the serious conversations that Tommy would feel most comfortable having when the rest of the world is already sleeping. However, he’s finally admitted that a, trying to have that kind of discussion when Brian is about to fall asleep isn’t the best idea, and b, maybe that was just another way for Tommy to try and avoid certain topics.
This morning, once they’re done eating and Tommy has a cup of blissfully hot coffee in his hands and some caffeine in his body, he takes a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
***
In a second, all of Brian’s attention is on him. Tommy takes another sip of coffee.
“The other morning, when you… when…”
He trails off because he has no idea how to say this. Brian nudges Tommy’s shoulder with his finger.
“Use your words, Tommy. If you can do it, you can talk about it.”
Tommy frowns. The blushing virgin routine he keeps going through is ridiculous, but it isn’t the sex he has trouble talking about. It’s all the messy emotions related to it that won’t come out.
He says it as simply as possible. “When you spanked me.”
***
Brian rests his elbow on the table, his chin in his palm. “What about it?”
Forcing himself to look Brian in the eyes, Tommy puts his cup on the table. “My attitude was an excuse, right?”
Brian looks away, like it’s his turn to be at a loss for words. Then he says, carefully, “In part. Your attitude was the tip of the iceberg, letting me know I needed to do something to put you back on your feet, hard and fast. But it wasn’t the whole truth.” He smiles. “I wasn’t expecting you to call me out on it.”
***
But Brian doesn’t seem annoyed, even less angry. Surprised, maybe. And a little like he’s proud of Tommy for figuring it out and saying something.
Tommy shrugs. “I’ve been doing some thinking. And talking, too.” He doesn’t need to say with whom. He knows Brian will understand that he means the new friends he’s made, thanks to Brian. And to Adam, and even Sutan, who was only too happy to help, and whose knowing smirk left Tommy wondering how many people had figured out what was going on between him and Adam long before he, himself, was aware of it.
***
“Why?” Tommy asks after a few seconds of silence. “Why did you lie to me?”
From the look on Brian’s face, Tommy knows his words cut deep enough to hurt. “It wasn’t a lie.”
“But it sure as hell wasn’t the whole truth, either.”
Brian sighs. He pushes his chair closer to Tommy’s, facing him. “Here’s the thing. If I’d told you that I was doing it because I thought you needed it, how would you have reacted?”
Tommy has to think about it before he admits, “I don’t know.”
“I didn’t, either. So I did the best I could.”
***
“I get that.” It’s impossible for Tommy not to understand, not when they’re both still trying to find their way to each other. “But if we want this to work, I need to hear the truth, not excuses, especially in moments like that.”
“You’re right,” Brian admits. “But you also have to trust me to take care of you and see to your needs.”
Tommy’s throat tightens up. “I already do.”
“I know.” Gently, Brian takes Tommy’s hand in his. “That also means obeying the rules we’ve set together, facing the consequences when you don’t.”
“I get that,” Tommy says.
***
“And not second-guessing me when I think that, say, what you need is me turning you over my knee first thing in the morning to get your head on straight.”
Tommy’s left speechless. While Brian didn’t make it sound like an accusation, his words still hit far too close to home. That might be why Tommy tries to argue. “I thought you said you didn’t mind.”
Brian shakes his head. “You’re mixing up things that don’t go together. What I said was that if I wanted someone who’d go ‘yes, sir’ to everything I said, I wouldn’t be with you.”
***
“That was the truth, right?”
Brian nods. “Yes. That hasn’t changed.”
“Then what is it?”
“Do you really need me to spell it out?”
Tommy nods. There are things he can’t understand on his own.
“There’s a difference between you being your little mouthy brat self and you second-guessing me every step of the way. The way you push at boundaries isn’t a problem. But if I have to question myself every time I tell you to do something or every time I make a move like that because I’m not sure if you’ll obey me, we won’t get anywhere.”
***
Tommy looks down at the floor, feeling guilty.
Brian’s fingers under his chin make him raise his head and face Brian again. “I know I can’t expect you to trust me if I lie to you. I want nothing more than to tell you the truth. For that to happen, in the areas where we’ve agreed that you leave things up to me, you have to do just that.”
There’s a long silence before Tommy finally whispers, “It still scares me.”
He nearly wishes Brian would let it go. There are things that Tommy doesn’t want to examine too closely.
***
Of course, Brian doesn’t let him get away with it. “Who is it that you’re fighting, Tommy? Me? Or yourself?”
“I don’t know.” He’s trying his hardest not to melt into the gentle touch of Brian’s hand on his neck as he realizes what he was doing. He has to force the next words out. “A little bit of both, maybe.”
“Come here.” Without another word, Brian pulls Tommy by the hand to the living room and sits with Tommy curled in his lap, clinging to him.
Brian traces circles on Tommy’s back until Tommy’s breathing is slow and even.
***
“I don’t want you to think that you can’t talk to me, or tell me if something isn’t working. I want you to feel good and safe.” Everything in Brian’s expression says that he means every single word. “I want to know that when you’re there, kneeling at my feet, it’s because you want it. Because you trust me to take care of you, in whatever way we’ve decided.”
The image suggested by Brian’s words makes Tommy shiver. He wants, needs to submit to Brian so badly, in so many ways, that it’s part of what makes it so scary.
***
“I get what you’re saying. I want it, too. I just…” Tommy hesitates before he says, “I don’t remember this ever being so hard.”
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Tommy wonders if he made a mistake. He knows that comparing isn’t fair to any of them, but since Adam is the only experience he has with this, sometimes he can’t help it.
Brian doesn’t seem to mind. “From what you’ve told me, this thing between you started when you needed it so badly that you didn’t question it. But us? It’s a choice we made.”
***
Brian shrugs. “That might make it harder.”
“Maybe.”
Tommy rests his head against Brian’s chest.
Brian’s breath is a puff of air against Tommy’s hair. “If it’s yourself that you’re fighting, I’ll be happy to help you through it. But you have to let me.”
Tommy raises his head to look at Brian. “I want to. But you have to tell me the truth. I can handle it.” He bites his lips, finds all the courage he has, says, “I deserve the truth.”
“Yes, you do.” There’s nothing but pride in Brian’s smile. It makes Tommy feel warm all over.
***
The fact that Brian agrees without acting like it depends on Tommy’s attitude makes Tommy more determined to do this right, to be good. He wants this so very, very badly. It’s like he’s trying to sabotage it himself before it can explode in his face, as he’s done with a lot of other good things in his life. Like he doesn’t really believe that he deserves someone who makes him feel this good about himself.
And he has to admit that the first thing in the morning spanking the other day left his feet a lot steadier on the ground.
***
Because even though he didn’t know that at the time, it was still exactly what he needed. Just the little push he needed to put all the pieces together, to make him feel whole and safe.
There’s no question he wants that feeling again.
So he promises, if only to himself, to give this a real try. One that might go beyond what he sees as his comfort zone. He’s starting to understand that there’s a difference between pushing boundaries of his own free will, as they’ve been doing, and being taken somewhere that will leave him raw and damaged.
***
He knows, without even asking, that the second option never was and never will be Brian’s intention. And that, if they step into that territory, they’ll both be getting out of it as fast as they can.
Tommy doesn’t even have to try to believe that Brian would never take him anywhere he doesn’t want or doesn’t need to be.
That knowledge makes it easy for him to ask, softly, “We’re good?”
There’s a gentle kiss against his forehead. “Yeah, we’re good. But we both have to make an effort.”
“I know.”
His lips meet Brian’s in a tender kiss.
***
With a hand on Tommy’s hip, Brian guides Tommy until he’s straddling Brian’s lap as their kisses heat up, as they lick and suck into each other’s mouths.
Brian moves his hand to the small of Tommy’s back, forcing him to thrust his hips forward.
Tommy’s, “oh, fuck” is a desperate noise of pleasure-pain. Early in the morning, before the day starts, or late in the evening, when they’re kicking back and relaxing, the only piece of clothing Tommy’s allowed is underwear. So there’s just a thin barrier of cotton between Tommy’s dick and the rough denim of Brian’s jeans.
***
Another shallow, tiny thrust and Tommy’s hard as a rock. He has to restrain himself not to rock against Brian’s thigh.
Brian eases Tommy’s briefs down just enough to free his dick and stroke him, one, two, three times. Tommy has the hardest time not thrusting into Brian’s touch.
“Fuck, Brian, please.”
“Please what?” Brian trails his blunt nails over Tommy’s dick, gives him the smallest hint of pressure on the slit. “Do you want to come like this? Humping my thigh? Showing me what a pretty slut you can be for me?”
Tommy drops his head on Brian’s shoulder.
***
Brian’s words, combined with just the right mix of pain and pleasure, hits all the right spots. Tommy’s sound of pleasure turns into a sob when Brian pulls him forward again. The harsh rub of his sensitive dick against denim is pure torture.
“Oh, shit.” Once again, there’s the pressure of a blunt nail against his slit. “Please, Brian. Fuck…”
Instead of the permission Tommy’s waiting for, Brian circles the base of Tommy’s dick with his hand, and squeezes, hard, blowing away all of Tommy’s hopes for release.
“Not until tonight. I promise I’ll make it worth the wait.”
***
Still holding Tommy by the base of his dick, Brian twists his other hand in Tommy’s hair, making him raise his head, pulling another sobbing, “Please,” out of him. Tommy’s world narrow to the grip Brian has on him and the way Brian’s staring at him.
“Just you wait, boy. I’ll lay you down on my bed and I’ll lick my way into your ass for hours. I’ll keep you on the edge for so long that you’ll have no idea if you’re begging me to stop or to let you come.”
Tommy releases a breath in a full-body shudder.
***
If it weren’t for the grip Brian has on him, Tommy feels like he could come just from the images that Brian’s painting. He wants it so badly. He can practically taste how good it’ll be. “Come on.”
Looking Tommy in the eyes, Brian shakes his head. “No. If you want that, you’re waiting until tonight.”
Brian releases him. Tommy’s hands find Brian’s shoulders of their own volition. Through gritted teeth, he exhales a pained breath, but he doesn’t try to get any kind of friction.
Even though it kills him now, he knows tonight will be worth the wait.
Pairing/Characters: Brian/Tommy
Rating (Word Count): R (22 X 100)
Content(s)/Warning(s): D/s
Author's notes: Many thanks to @leela_cat for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
This continues from Finding His Ground. You can also read the whole thing on AO3.
Brian feeding Tommy his breakfast quickly becomes a pattern. It isn’t always a possibility, but whenever they have the time and it’s just the two of them, it’s the perfect way to start the day. It also does wonders for Tommy’s mood, leaving him steady on his feet instead of feeling like a zombie every single time he has to be up before midday.
Tommy knows that this moment, before the day really starts, is the best time for any kind of talk. It can be as simple as figuring out what’s next for the song they’re currently working on.
***
Or as complicated as the serious conversations that Tommy would feel most comfortable having when the rest of the world is already sleeping. However, he’s finally admitted that a, trying to have that kind of discussion when Brian is about to fall asleep isn’t the best idea, and b, maybe that was just another way for Tommy to try and avoid certain topics.
This morning, once they’re done eating and Tommy has a cup of blissfully hot coffee in his hands and some caffeine in his body, he takes a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
***
In a second, all of Brian’s attention is on him. Tommy takes another sip of coffee.
“The other morning, when you… when…”
He trails off because he has no idea how to say this. Brian nudges Tommy’s shoulder with his finger.
“Use your words, Tommy. If you can do it, you can talk about it.”
Tommy frowns. The blushing virgin routine he keeps going through is ridiculous, but it isn’t the sex he has trouble talking about. It’s all the messy emotions related to it that won’t come out.
He says it as simply as possible. “When you spanked me.”
***
Brian rests his elbow on the table, his chin in his palm. “What about it?”
Forcing himself to look Brian in the eyes, Tommy puts his cup on the table. “My attitude was an excuse, right?”
Brian looks away, like it’s his turn to be at a loss for words. Then he says, carefully, “In part. Your attitude was the tip of the iceberg, letting me know I needed to do something to put you back on your feet, hard and fast. But it wasn’t the whole truth.” He smiles. “I wasn’t expecting you to call me out on it.”
***
But Brian doesn’t seem annoyed, even less angry. Surprised, maybe. And a little like he’s proud of Tommy for figuring it out and saying something.
Tommy shrugs. “I’ve been doing some thinking. And talking, too.” He doesn’t need to say with whom. He knows Brian will understand that he means the new friends he’s made, thanks to Brian. And to Adam, and even Sutan, who was only too happy to help, and whose knowing smirk left Tommy wondering how many people had figured out what was going on between him and Adam long before he, himself, was aware of it.
***
“Why?” Tommy asks after a few seconds of silence. “Why did you lie to me?”
From the look on Brian’s face, Tommy knows his words cut deep enough to hurt. “It wasn’t a lie.”
“But it sure as hell wasn’t the whole truth, either.”
Brian sighs. He pushes his chair closer to Tommy’s, facing him. “Here’s the thing. If I’d told you that I was doing it because I thought you needed it, how would you have reacted?”
Tommy has to think about it before he admits, “I don’t know.”
“I didn’t, either. So I did the best I could.”
***
“I get that.” It’s impossible for Tommy not to understand, not when they’re both still trying to find their way to each other. “But if we want this to work, I need to hear the truth, not excuses, especially in moments like that.”
“You’re right,” Brian admits. “But you also have to trust me to take care of you and see to your needs.”
Tommy’s throat tightens up. “I already do.”
“I know.” Gently, Brian takes Tommy’s hand in his. “That also means obeying the rules we’ve set together, facing the consequences when you don’t.”
“I get that,” Tommy says.
***
“And not second-guessing me when I think that, say, what you need is me turning you over my knee first thing in the morning to get your head on straight.”
Tommy’s left speechless. While Brian didn’t make it sound like an accusation, his words still hit far too close to home. That might be why Tommy tries to argue. “I thought you said you didn’t mind.”
Brian shakes his head. “You’re mixing up things that don’t go together. What I said was that if I wanted someone who’d go ‘yes, sir’ to everything I said, I wouldn’t be with you.”
***
“That was the truth, right?”
Brian nods. “Yes. That hasn’t changed.”
“Then what is it?”
“Do you really need me to spell it out?”
Tommy nods. There are things he can’t understand on his own.
“There’s a difference between you being your little mouthy brat self and you second-guessing me every step of the way. The way you push at boundaries isn’t a problem. But if I have to question myself every time I tell you to do something or every time I make a move like that because I’m not sure if you’ll obey me, we won’t get anywhere.”
***
Tommy looks down at the floor, feeling guilty.
Brian’s fingers under his chin make him raise his head and face Brian again. “I know I can’t expect you to trust me if I lie to you. I want nothing more than to tell you the truth. For that to happen, in the areas where we’ve agreed that you leave things up to me, you have to do just that.”
There’s a long silence before Tommy finally whispers, “It still scares me.”
He nearly wishes Brian would let it go. There are things that Tommy doesn’t want to examine too closely.
***
Of course, Brian doesn’t let him get away with it. “Who is it that you’re fighting, Tommy? Me? Or yourself?”
“I don’t know.” He’s trying his hardest not to melt into the gentle touch of Brian’s hand on his neck as he realizes what he was doing. He has to force the next words out. “A little bit of both, maybe.”
“Come here.” Without another word, Brian pulls Tommy by the hand to the living room and sits with Tommy curled in his lap, clinging to him.
Brian traces circles on Tommy’s back until Tommy’s breathing is slow and even.
***
“I don’t want you to think that you can’t talk to me, or tell me if something isn’t working. I want you to feel good and safe.” Everything in Brian’s expression says that he means every single word. “I want to know that when you’re there, kneeling at my feet, it’s because you want it. Because you trust me to take care of you, in whatever way we’ve decided.”
The image suggested by Brian’s words makes Tommy shiver. He wants, needs to submit to Brian so badly, in so many ways, that it’s part of what makes it so scary.
***
“I get what you’re saying. I want it, too. I just…” Tommy hesitates before he says, “I don’t remember this ever being so hard.”
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Tommy wonders if he made a mistake. He knows that comparing isn’t fair to any of them, but since Adam is the only experience he has with this, sometimes he can’t help it.
Brian doesn’t seem to mind. “From what you’ve told me, this thing between you started when you needed it so badly that you didn’t question it. But us? It’s a choice we made.”
***
Brian shrugs. “That might make it harder.”
“Maybe.”
Tommy rests his head against Brian’s chest.
Brian’s breath is a puff of air against Tommy’s hair. “If it’s yourself that you’re fighting, I’ll be happy to help you through it. But you have to let me.”
Tommy raises his head to look at Brian. “I want to. But you have to tell me the truth. I can handle it.” He bites his lips, finds all the courage he has, says, “I deserve the truth.”
“Yes, you do.” There’s nothing but pride in Brian’s smile. It makes Tommy feel warm all over.
***
The fact that Brian agrees without acting like it depends on Tommy’s attitude makes Tommy more determined to do this right, to be good. He wants this so very, very badly. It’s like he’s trying to sabotage it himself before it can explode in his face, as he’s done with a lot of other good things in his life. Like he doesn’t really believe that he deserves someone who makes him feel this good about himself.
And he has to admit that the first thing in the morning spanking the other day left his feet a lot steadier on the ground.
***
Because even though he didn’t know that at the time, it was still exactly what he needed. Just the little push he needed to put all the pieces together, to make him feel whole and safe.
There’s no question he wants that feeling again.
So he promises, if only to himself, to give this a real try. One that might go beyond what he sees as his comfort zone. He’s starting to understand that there’s a difference between pushing boundaries of his own free will, as they’ve been doing, and being taken somewhere that will leave him raw and damaged.
***
He knows, without even asking, that the second option never was and never will be Brian’s intention. And that, if they step into that territory, they’ll both be getting out of it as fast as they can.
Tommy doesn’t even have to try to believe that Brian would never take him anywhere he doesn’t want or doesn’t need to be.
That knowledge makes it easy for him to ask, softly, “We’re good?”
There’s a gentle kiss against his forehead. “Yeah, we’re good. But we both have to make an effort.”
“I know.”
His lips meet Brian’s in a tender kiss.
***
With a hand on Tommy’s hip, Brian guides Tommy until he’s straddling Brian’s lap as their kisses heat up, as they lick and suck into each other’s mouths.
Brian moves his hand to the small of Tommy’s back, forcing him to thrust his hips forward.
Tommy’s, “oh, fuck” is a desperate noise of pleasure-pain. Early in the morning, before the day starts, or late in the evening, when they’re kicking back and relaxing, the only piece of clothing Tommy’s allowed is underwear. So there’s just a thin barrier of cotton between Tommy’s dick and the rough denim of Brian’s jeans.
***
Another shallow, tiny thrust and Tommy’s hard as a rock. He has to restrain himself not to rock against Brian’s thigh.
Brian eases Tommy’s briefs down just enough to free his dick and stroke him, one, two, three times. Tommy has the hardest time not thrusting into Brian’s touch.
“Fuck, Brian, please.”
“Please what?” Brian trails his blunt nails over Tommy’s dick, gives him the smallest hint of pressure on the slit. “Do you want to come like this? Humping my thigh? Showing me what a pretty slut you can be for me?”
Tommy drops his head on Brian’s shoulder.
***
Brian’s words, combined with just the right mix of pain and pleasure, hits all the right spots. Tommy’s sound of pleasure turns into a sob when Brian pulls him forward again. The harsh rub of his sensitive dick against denim is pure torture.
“Oh, shit.” Once again, there’s the pressure of a blunt nail against his slit. “Please, Brian. Fuck…”
Instead of the permission Tommy’s waiting for, Brian circles the base of Tommy’s dick with his hand, and squeezes, hard, blowing away all of Tommy’s hopes for release.
“Not until tonight. I promise I’ll make it worth the wait.”
***
Still holding Tommy by the base of his dick, Brian twists his other hand in Tommy’s hair, making him raise his head, pulling another sobbing, “Please,” out of him. Tommy’s world narrow to the grip Brian has on him and the way Brian’s staring at him.
“Just you wait, boy. I’ll lay you down on my bed and I’ll lick my way into your ass for hours. I’ll keep you on the edge for so long that you’ll have no idea if you’re begging me to stop or to let you come.”
Tommy releases a breath in a full-body shudder.
***
If it weren’t for the grip Brian has on him, Tommy feels like he could come just from the images that Brian’s painting. He wants it so badly. He can practically taste how good it’ll be. “Come on.”
Looking Tommy in the eyes, Brian shakes his head. “No. If you want that, you’re waiting until tonight.”
Brian releases him. Tommy’s hands find Brian’s shoulders of their own volition. Through gritted teeth, he exhales a pained breath, but he doesn’t try to get any kind of friction.
Even though it kills him now, he knows tonight will be worth the wait.
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