Title: Pretending
Pairing/Characters: Adam, Terrance
Rating (Word Count): G (7 X 100)
Warning(s): None
Author's notes: This happens in the same 'verse as, and at some point after Table for Two. I'm really sorry for the angst. Many thanks to @aislinntlc for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Adam never expected this evening to be so frustrating.

It was supposed to be fun, nothing but a little get together with some of the Zodiac family. He thought it would be an occasion to unwind and relax. He just completely forgot that it being a Zodiac thing meant that Brian would be invited too.

It’s not the first time they got invited, separately, by the same friends. It’s never that surprising when it happens since they have so many friends in common.

While Adam never finds it easy to pretend, it always seems like the right thing to do.

***

Here tonight, though, most people are the kind of friends who always had Adam’s back. This has always been the crowd who would accept things as they are, with whom he knows that he and Brian would barely have to tone things down.

Instead, he’s stuck pretending that he hasn’t seen Brian in weeks, as if they didn’t spend most nights together, at either his or Brian’s place.

Maybe that’s why he drinks more than he intended to. Because he has to act like everything he’s feeling, everything they are to each other doesn’t even exist. And it’s killing him.

***

Adam’s not really drunk, but it gives him an excuse to go with the flow when, at the end of the evening, Terrance hooks an arm around Adam’s shoulders, saying, “Let me get you home, boo. You can’t go by yourself.”

Adam stays silent for the whole drive. He waits until they are curled around each other on Terrance’s couch. Even then, it takes Terrance asking, “How’s it going with your guy?”

All the air leaves Adam’s lungs in a rush. The words stick in his throat as he tries to get them out. “Not as well as I’d like.”

***

There’s a long silence before Terrance dares to ask, “It’s Brian, isn’t it?”

Adam’s left speechless as he tries to figure out what to reply and realizes that the last thing he wants is to lie. “How did you guess?”

Terrance pulls him closer and Adam goes easily. “When Sutan asked me to keep an eye on you, he mentioned that he was thinking it might be someone we were working with. And tonight, whenever you thought no-one was watching you, you looked like someone just killed your puppy. I didn’t have such a hard time putting the pieces together.”

***

Adam sighs and burrows in Terrance’s embrace. He hears Terrance whisper in his ear, “Are you okay?”

“I wasn’t expecting tonight to be so hard.” He wasn’t expecting it to hurt that much. Everything is getting to him more every day. This is one of the most life-changing relationships he’s ever had, yet he has to hide it from everyone who matters to him.

Even his mother, who’s always been his confidante, is out of the question. If he tells her anything, he knows at some point she’ll expect to meet Brian. And he’s only too aware it won’t happen.

***

“If it hurts you that much, why do you stay with him?” Terrance asks, softly, as if he’s expecting Adam to close himself off again and not say a thing.

Instead, Adam murmurs, “Because the good sides are too good.” He hesitates, then he keeps going before he can change his mind. “And because I was stupid enough to fall in love with him.”

His voice breaks because it’s the first time he dares to say it out loud, and suddenly, it makes it real. A single sentence that takes over everything and leaves him with no space to breathe.

***

Now that the words are out, he can’t take them back, and they bring tears to his eyes, tears that he has no hope to stop. As if saying it out loud broke the dam and showed him how much he’s hurting, how much this whole relationship is breaking him a little more every week.

Terrance tightens his grip around Adam, bringing him closer, murmuring soothing nonsense against Adam’s hair. Adam hides in the comfort of Terrance’s arms, and lets the tears come, full-body sobs making him shake.

It won’t solve anything, but just for tonight, it might be enough.